If you’re looking for a few dozen snapshots of some of the different ways to be non-binary and the various experiences that can come with it, then check out Non-Binary Lives, edited by Jos Twist, Ben Vincent, Meg-John Barker, and Kat Gupta.
The subtitle of this collection is “an anthology of intersecting identities”, and the editors set out to explore the diversity of the non-binary experience, while admitting some of their limitations. Because they are based in the UK, they managed to mostly connect with writers who are either from, have lived in, or currently live in the UK. This means that a lot of the essays are concerned, in some way or another, specifically with the UK’s history of LGBTQIA+ rights in general, and trans rights in specific, and current issues with access to care and the rise of transphobia.
That said, it’s still a very diverse book. You’ll find essays from people of different races, nationalities, ages, classes, family/marital status, education, career, and religion. And of course, of different gender expressions; even aside from matters of intersectionality, there are different ways to be non-binary, such as being agender, genderfluid, genderqueer, etc.
Obviously I’m speaking as a cis reader, but my impression as I read the thirty essays in this book was that any non-binary person could likely pick up this book and find at least one essay that reflected some part of their own identity and would help them feel seen.
That is the benefit of having so many essays in what is not a particularly large book. The downside is that some of the essays felt a little shallow and under-developed. There wasn’t a single person who I felt didn’t have something of value to say, there were just some people who I felt didn’t say a lot, or maybe could have used some help or more time fleshing out their thoughts. Simultaneously, some essays were so interesting I would have enjoyed a lot more time reading that person’s thoughts.
Ultimately, I want to refer to what I said at the start of my review: this is a collection of snapshots. It’s not going to give you an in-depth view of the non-binary experience. I don’t think one single book could do that. What it will do is hopefully give non-binary readers some encouragement to see so many stories of other people who are like them (while also sometimes simultaneously very much unlike them), and give cis and trans binary people a better idea of how diverse the non-binary experience is. I hope that everyone who reads it, no matter their gender, will also leave this book with a better understanding of something they weren’t aware of before, such as the intersection of gender and ability, raising a non-binary child, or being non-binary when your native language is highly gendered.
I will say that as an American Elder Millennial feminist, I found it interesting to read the essays from people who were in feminist circles in the UK in decades past — reading their descriptions of the ideas, language, and books central to the movement at the time helped me understand* the roots of today’s TERFs.
*I want to be clear here that when I say “understand” I mean in the “I realize now some of the reasons why this happened” sense and not in the “oh of course it’s rational to feel that way” sense. My own feminism remains firmly trans-inclusive.
My recommendation is that if you do read this book, you take your time working through it. Because I was trying to get it done for a book bingo challenge I was reading several essays a day at times, and some of the the essays do revisit a lot of the same themes, so it can feel repetitive if you read them one after the other. Give yourself time to really sit with each person’s experiences and thoughts if you can!
TWs and CWs: Includes discussions of deadnaming, misgendering, transphobia, homophobia, racism, and probably other forms of discrimination that have since slipped my mind. Also mentions of unhealthy and perhaps abusive relationships, disordered eating, sexual assault, and more. Nothing in this book stood out to me as especially gratuitous or graphic.
Format and Source: I read this as a paperback book purchased from Nook & Cranny Books.
Book Bingo Prompts
Nook & Cranny (Card 1): Sexuality and Gender Identity. I actually bought this book when I picked up my 2024 bingo cards, because it looked like a great read and would fit this prompt. Excellent choice, Past AJ!
Brick & Mortar: Essay or Short Story Collection. This is, in fact, a collection of essays.
Book Bingo Progress
Nook & Cranny (Card 1): 11 out of 25 prompts complete. 1 bingo.
Nook & Cranny (Card 2): 5 out of 25 prompts complete. 0 bingos.
Brick & Mortar: 24 out of 25 prompts complete. 10 bingos.