Sometimes, as we’re living through one crisis after another, cleaning the house feels pointless. What does it matter if the floors are swept, when we might re-elect a fascist into the Oval Office? I was curious about whether How to Keep House While Drowning by KC Davis, LPC would help me with these nihilistic thoughts.
This is a sweet and compassionate little book that is geared towards helping you let go of any shame you might feel around struggling to keep a picture-perfect tidy house. The entire message is that your house should work for you, rather than you working for your house. Your house should be safe and functional for you and anyone you live with (pets included), and beyond that, you get to decide what an acceptable level of clutter and dirt is.
I found this to be a very lovely sentiment. We currently live in a time where we’re bombarded by images of influencers making delicious meals in spotless, spacious, well-stocked kitchens. In the meantime, I’d be walking around my run-down, beige-and-grey rental house trying to find one uncluttered spot where I could take an attractive picture of the cocktail I just mixed. I know that my house is probably closer to “normal”, but social media and TV wants me to believe that everyone lives in beautiful, tidy houses.
How to Keep House While Drowning provides some practical advice on how to deal with issues like clutter, laundry, division of labor, and personal hygiene. The author lumps cleaning your home and cleaning yourself under “care tasks” and treats them as something we largely do as a gift to our current or future selves (ie, washing her kids’ milk cups before bed was a gift to Future KC, because then she doesn’t have to wash them in the morning while juggling the kids).
What this book doesn’t do is give advice on how to do more specific and deeper cleaning tasks when you actually do have the energy to do a big clean. For that, I’d recommend another book I recently read, A Dirty Guide to a Clean Home by Melissa Dikes Pateras, which also takes a compassionate attitude towards people with messy homes, with a focus on “it’s not your fault that you don’t know how to clean/fix XYZ.”
How to Keep House While Drowning is geared towards people who are struggling with keeping their house and/or their body clean due to mental health, neurodivergence, physical disability, or general overwhelm. It addresses some of the sources of our shame and mental blocks around cleaning, such as abuse, the households we grew up in, and more.
Personally, I found that I was able to glean what I needed from this book in one read-through. There were a few ideas that really resonated with me, but I don’t think I’ll be feeling a need to refer back to it, since there weren’t as many specific how-tos that I would find useful. However, people who often find themselves in that “drowning” space may benefit from being able to re-read Davis’s kind words and get a refresher on her techniques and ideas.
CWs and TWs: This book talks about mental health, abuse, and the pandemic. It does so in a pretty gentle and informed way since the author is a mental health professional.
Source and Format: I borrowed a hardcover copy from Sno-Isle Libraries.
Book Bingo Prompts
Nook and Cranny (Card 2): Cheaper Than Therapy. Let me tell you, I hate merch and memes that say “X: Cheaper Than Therapy.” If you need therapy, you need therapy, and no amount of crafting, shopping, adopting pets, or reading will address your underlying issues. But I also recognize that therapy is not accessible to everyone, that even if you have good insurance, it might take months to even get in to see someone. And once you finally do get into therapy, “How do I convince myself to do laundry when I’m struggling?” probably isn’t going to be the first thing you ask. So yes, for some problems, sometimes you’ve gotta turn to a book and get expert advice. I think this book could be really therapeutic and beneficial for people who just want to feel more comfortable in their own home no matter their current mental state.
Book Bingo Progress
Nook & Cranny (Card 1): 20 out of 25 prompts complete. 3 bingos.
Nook & Cranny (Card 2): 18 out of 25 prompts complete. 3 bingos.